Running Home

This is supposed to be my 9th grade post but it has grown into something more. Rather than dragging out my dirty laundry and sharing these next painful years, this will be my last post. There is also an issue of time; I am a Senior in college and started back this week-so no more fun time.

The way I choose to tell my high school years is not year by year.

I was a lost child during High School and I don't know why, but I had definitely lost my way. I grew out of the life that I should have been living. Writing about the years leading up to this time I can see where and how I broke down and how I should have changed and it has been painful.

I turned my back on my family and my beliefs and started a life with people I had no business being with. This lead to me being a pregnant Junior and very much alone. I had a beautiful baby boy, finished my Junior year, dropped out of High School, and got my G.E.D. Instead of a Senior year in high school, I had a Freshman year at a local community college which ultimately did very little to improve my decision making skills. I found myself once again with child while I still was one.

At 19, I had an infant, a toddler, I was the sole caretaker to a man, my young son's father, dying from Leukemia, and was taking care of his young boys as well. After he passed away my life tail spinned even more. I continued to make poor decisions, I engaged in unhealthy relationships, and I was taking my boys along for the ride. Of all the things I've done and all the choices I've made that it what I regret the most. They may be stronger for they've seen and done, but they shouldn't have to be.

I'm been married for almost 5 years. The marriage has had some crazy ups and horrible downs. But I think that we are all in a more stable place now. Through this marriage I have been able to find out more about who I am and what makes me work. I am fulfilled through my work at college and highly anticipate the job that will come with the completion of school. My boys are more amazing than I deserve and I don't know how they got that way--probably the village that has helped raised them.

I hope that this is a new chapter in my life, that I can use my past to strengthen me and not to hold me back. I hope that my children look at what I was and choose to be nothing like that. I hope I never forget the love from my family that got me to where I am today. But my biggest hope is that my heart will remain open to the changes God makes in me every day and that I remember that I am running home to Him and that I will run with the faith of a child.